Newest answers are at the bottom.

Dear Geoff,

Is it tacky to wear two different shades of blue together?

Signed,
Lady Blue

Dear Lady Blue,

First off, I must note that this is highly dependant on the shades in question. Generaly, you are not going to want to wear periwinkle with Navy; as such a combination would be dreadfuly tacky. The key that I have found to wearing multiple shades of any color is having unifiying piece that brings both colors together. If one of your layers of garments can manage to mingle the two colors, you can quite often get away with doing so - and look sharp while doing it. It is the same method for wearing gold and silver jewelry. An item that brings the two colors together can be the difference between looking fantabulous and looking like you reached into your wardrobe (or jewelry box) in the dark.

_____________________

Dear Geoff,

I hope that you can answer a question that has plagued me since childhood. If every man, woman, and child in Lopan each stood on a chair, and everyone jumped off their chair at exactly the same time, would the Disk tilt? Also, if prior to jumping, they all yelled at the top of their lungs, would we hear it here in d'Image?

Signed,
Wondering in Waes


Dear Wondering,

No, thank the gods! If ever there were a people who could have the discipline to carry off such a manuver, it would be our friends on the crowded island. Yet, if the rumors about their land that I have heard are correct, it might send the island sinking into the sea like lost Yaverna when they all land.

For the question on group-yelling, I have consulted the only person I know qualified to give an answer: Prince Gareth D'Image; who has for years studied sound. His response was that we would not be able to hear them. It was my great intent to carefuly listen and explain for you, dear reader, his explanation on why this is so, but unfortunately as soon as he started rambling on about sound barriers and distance I found I could no longer pay attention.

_____________________

Daddy ... I mean, Dear Geoff:

When is it okay for a noble woman to be intimate with her boyfriend? Does she have to wait until she's married, or can she just get engaged and do it then? And the lady at the Utopia says there is something the boyfriend can wear to prevent pregnancy. Is that true?

Signed,
Pressured Pre-Teen

P.S. You're not going to print my name with this, are you?

Dear Convent Nominee,

This is a very serious question that you have posed. I am firmly of the opinion that a noble woman should wait until she is married before doing anything. Engagements can fall through far easier then the young-and-in-love tend to imagine, and thus you could still wind up pregnant, alone, and practicaly untouchable by nice young men.

Such things as the Madam speaks of are indeed around, but I have never heard anything that positive about their effectiveness, and no one wants to be intimate into something that came from a dead animal.

That being said, dear reader...

IF I CATCH YOU DOING ANYTHING OF THE SORT I'M GOING TO LOCK YOU IN YOUR ROOM UNTIL YOU'RE 20 AND BREAK HIS LEGS IN SIXTEEN PLACES!

_____________________

Dear Count Sir Geoffrey Dutton:

I am a single girl in Waes, and I'm just wondering ... where are all of the men who like women? Should I consider a sex-change? Or perhaps cross-dressing? I'm almost past my prime, and if a straight man doesn't show up soon, I'll be an old maid!

Signed,

Single and Searching


Dear S & S,

Do not go to visit Nebic yet!

Though this might come as a shock to you, there are actually single, decent, woman-loving men around. You just need to know where to look for them. First off, I'd recommend hanging around the Knights Chantry. A lot of those fine Gents could use a good woman in their lives - and more often then not, they're straight-laced, if you know what I mean.

I would also recommend the rural countryside. They do not put up with as much funny business out there, so the ratio of woman-loving men is doubtless higher.

However, if you do not require that your beau be /completely/ uninterested in his fellow man, there are things that you can do to try to woo the indecisive:

1.) Be assertive. Speak your mind intelligently and demand men's respect and attention as though you were a man yourself.

2.) Wear some leather. /Everyone/ loves leather. Riding accessories are optional, but do add a certain mystique.

3.) Most importantly - though it is hard, /try/ not to act like a foolish, helpless woman. Helplessness just looks so desperate - and desperation is only sexy to he depraved.

Do not lose hope, dear reader!

_____________________

Dear Mister Man,

I don't know where to begin. Although I am not yet five years old, my life has been a terrible soap opera. I can't remember my Daddy at all. He died either before I was born or just after. I'm one of the famous quintuplets. First, one of my brothers died. Then a war broke out and I was stolen by some evil ladies and taken to a far-off land. Another of my brothers died sometime in there. Then I got rescued, and my wussy sister got rescued and they found my annoying little brother too. He gets to be count even tho I am the eldest. That is SO unfair! So anyway then my mommy has an affair with my nanny. That was so cool! Well it seemed cool at the time, I was two. I am much older now and not so easily impressed. Then this guy comes back and Mommy says it's Daddy come back from Heaven. Only it doesn't look like Daddy at all, he's all old and ugly. Then my spear-carrier runs away. Then Mommy died! I cried and cried and cried. So why if supposedly Daddy can come back from heaven, why not Mommy? Mommy was so much better. Anyway, back to my story. We all moved into a much bigger suite and we have our own rooms now, and we have lots more cousins. Oh, did I mention my Uncle? He's sooooo cool cuz he's a REAL dragon. Is my life weird or what? I'm not sure I want to turn five.

So here's the really big question, and as you can see I REALLY need your advice:

Where and how can I get my very own elephant???


Dear Pachaderm Deprived,

I think there are many more facets to your question then you realize. The size and strength of an elephant are obviously a metaphor for your search in life for something solid and dependable in your life that you can hold on to - or use to crush your enemies.

I think that, rather then expend the money and energy to care for such an enormous beast, you have to try to develop a relationship with your re-animated father. Only through working with him so that both of you can get over his death will you find the stability you crave. If he's capable of rising from the dead, chances are he can also crush your enemies effectively.

However,

If you are dead set on the acquiring one, I know a few merchants in Southport who can get you most anything you want - but these things do not come cheap. Just go down to the docks and look for a man named One-eyed Jack. He's recognizable by his one eye and foul breath. With his help, and many-a gold coin, you could get your own elephant - or you might possibly end up on a slave ship bound for Tolmas. Good luck, Dear Reader and may the gods have pity on your servants.

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